Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Even after making a special effort to wear a sleeveless muscle shirt that shows off his recently-inked Koi fish, a local UFC fan has panicked after realising he left his Monster Energy-themed flat brim hat at home. "Fuck!" says the local peptide-user, Gareth (32). "How did I fucking forget! I'm sitting here looking like an idiot without a flatty" With...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A loudmouth Irish bloke who keeps singing Danny Boy and talking about 'our boy' is probably the last person you want to sit next to during this fight, it has been confirmed. Ahead of what has been described as a ‘billion dollar fight’ between the two fighters, publicans around the country are currently having to defuse countless altercations...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The fact that Australian tennis star Nick Kyrgios has admitted that he is enjoying playing tennis is a cause for celebration across the sport today. The undoubtedly talented 22-year-old has wowed long-suffering Australian tennis fans this week, despite losing his maiden Masters Series decider to Grigor Dimitrov - but declared he was “just happy being out there” after losing 6-3...

LACHLAN BULLIMORE | Bush Footy| CONTACT Overweight local prop says he would finish Mayweather after spending one training session on the focus mitts Local Betoota front-row enforcer Eric “Stomper” Bucketts has been overheard saying he would fancy his chances against undefeated boxing legend Floyd Mayweather, declaring “all it would take is one good right hand flush on the jaw.” - while dramatically moving...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Deputy Prime Minister and dual-Kiwi-citizen Barnaby Joyce has come under fire this morning after he was seen sub-consciously standing up for the New Zealand national anthem at the All Blacks match against the Wallabies last night. Having this week been dubbed the Member for New Zealand, Mr Joyce has only made things worse for himself by forgetting that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The brightest light in the Australian rugby union tanning bed has laughed off suggestion that his team can beat the All Blacks in Dunedin next week, saying that they can only do their best. Wallabies Coach Michael Cheika spoke to the media this morning in Sydney, where he was asked what went wrong last night...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact WHETHER YOU WERE AT the game or just watching on TV, whenever former All Black great Richie McCaw entered a ruck or maul the nation would scream: "Just look at the cunt! From the side again!" Now in retirement, the 35-year-old won't have to endure tongue-lashing after tongue-lashing when he visits Sydney's ANZ Stadium for...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact All Blacks superstar Aaron Smith has revealed this afternoon that in the wake of his recent spelling scandal, he's signed on to be a brand ambassador to The Reading Writing Hotline. Earlier this week, leaked text messages surfaced between Smith and a Dunedin woman that shed light on a rumoured lewd affair between them. However, it...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local soccer fan, Leo Vukinakakas (29) has today made a point of pulling up a flowing conversation to point out that the word 'soccer' is redundant in his vocabulary and should never be used to describe 'football'. Leo says referring to 'European football' as 'soccer' is disrespectful, and as a member of a large family of soccer fans,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The remaining Western Force fans are in pieces this afternoon, following the announcement that the Perth rugby institution will no longer join the eastern cities in the professional competition. The tried and trusted fans have supported the isolated rugby union franchise for 11 years, but most are shattered this afternoon by the news that the Western Force will exit...