Despite Having No Licence, And No Need For One, City Boy Lies And Insists He Actually Can Drive
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn an astonishing display of urban bravado, local city boy Nathan Pissani (27), has been caught in a web of lies, deceit and self delusion, claiming he knows how to drive, he just hasn't gotten around to the paperwork of it all.
Nathan's main argument for the lack of legal driving capabilities stem from the fact that he was...
Swiftie Informs Boyfriend They’ll Be Doing Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce Costumes For Halloween
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman invited to a Halloween party has informed her boyfriend that he has absolutely no say in their couples costume, and that he has exactly three days to grow a moustache or else he’ll be rocking a fake one all night.
The self confessed Swiftie, Renee Mullens, tells The Advocate that she had always planned on dressing like...
Springboks Announce World Cup Selection Bombshell By Calling Up 53 Year Old Matt Damon
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The rugby world (which actually does exist outside of Australia) is today reeling from a huge announcement.
Followers of the game that old toffs claim is played in heaven, are currently grappling with a major shakeup ahead of the Rugby World Cup final in Paris this weekend.
With South Africa and New Zealand set to go head to...
Boyfriend’s Hideous Party Shirt Collection Would Look Good On Public Transport
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights bloke has this week left his girlfriend one step closer to staging an intervention, after yet again purchasing a T-shirt that is best described as ‘commuter friendly textile core meets 90s screensavers.’
The man in question, Anthony Langdon, 33, is alleged to have gotten really into expressing his personality with garish party shirts, because evidently his...
Local Woman Attributes Strong Immune System To Taking Chomps Out Of The PCYC Pool Noodles As A Kid
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights woman who hasn’t had so much as a sniffle in five years has today revealed the secret behind her superior immune system, which has nothing to do with Chinese herbal medicine and more so some of the weird shit she put in her mouth as a kid.
Melanie Tatsworth, 31, tells The Advocate that she thoroughly...
‘It’s For A Birthday Party’’ Says Bloke Buying Cream Chargers And Balloons From Local Night Owl At 10pm
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has this week attempted to convince a Night Owl clerk that his late night purchases are completely innocent, insisting that the reason he was shopping for a packet of balloons and box of cream chargers at 10pm was because he was simply ‘doing some late night Birthday shopping.’
Speaking to the clerk who was working the...
“We Treat Our Animals Like Family” Says Farmer That Also Verbally Abuses And Whacks Sons With Poly Pipe
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Basin grazer boasted this morning at the French Quarter Farmer's Market that animals on his property are treated with the same respect that he treats members of his own family - especially his sons.
The price of lamb has fallen off the chart, along with many other related commodities, making it unfeasible for...
Italian Backpacker Somehow The Hardest Working But Rudest Human Being Local Fruit Grower Has Ever Met
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
High on the cool slopes around Betoota, fruit growers are ready to harvest their spring varieties.
To do that, growers need a steady stream of exploitable foreign workers who are just happy enough to either be earning Australian dollars or backpackers who want to stay in the country for another year.
One such grower is Hardy...
Little Fucken Fruit Fly Watching Telly With You Too!
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTDuring one of the only 340 odd nights a year he sits down to watch telly, local bachelor Angus Pound (32) was joined by a pesky little fruit fly who figured he’d watch a bit of telly too.Known for being small enough to disappear from sight but big enough to buzz in your ears, fruit flies are known...
Son Becomes The Man Of The House After Being The One To Yell “Hip Hip!” At Birthday Party
CLYDE ROYAL |Western News| ContactRichard Thomas had never thought his position as head of the house would be under attack so soon. At a recent birthday party hosted by Richard and his wife Claire in their Armadale home there was a change in the leadership of the household. Richard found himself distracted as the singing of happy birthday ended, his son Jude,...
