Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A person that works in an office doing something with a computer has become in ire of his colleagues this afternoon because he refuses to speak about anything other than the NFL starting today. Making things worse for himself, Michael Leary even brought his 'pigskin' from home today and simply refuses to stop playing with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local builder was left bemused this week, after the apprentice returned with his impossible request. Brad Holmes, a middle aged joker from Norwood in Adelaide, chuckled to the other tradies on site when he asked the young fella to pop off down to Bunnings and get a tin of tartan paint and a box of bright sparks. He laughed with...

BERT MALLEY | Local | CONTACT A recent report shows that the boys actually scrub up alright when they have to. Sources close to the group are reporting that the boys are looking deadset schmick in the tuxes they rented for tonight’s engagement party at the Betoota Surf Club. The boys, who decided to “go all out for Jace and Saz’s thing”, have rocked up...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A polite but charmingly unkempt local tax accountant is once again the ire of the office today after he sweeping his lunch crumbs off his desk and onto the floor. Known mostly for his happy-go-lucky disposition and a 'hilarious' disrespect for the Australian Tax Office, Colin Peterson explained to The Advocate that he often leaves...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For a number of years, the residents of the leafy East Betootanese enclave of Betoota Links have enjoyed the unbridled privilege on not knowing they even had it. But according to local police, some of that privilege has ended. From last night, police from the East Betoota command began roadside testing for cocaine - as well as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Outspoken right-wing commentator Andrew Bolt has been chased through the streets of Melbourne this afternoon by a gang of anti-fascist thugs hell bent on glitter-bombing him again. But Bolt wouldn't have a bar of it. Rather than let the gutter-dwelling communists catch him unawares, the barrel-chested South Australian tried his level best to outrun his assailants. After a running gun battle through...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Being one of KBBL Betoota Imparja's breakfast television presenters is a rare privilege bestowed upon a chosen few - one of those being Brett Gallway. Each morning, the 49-year-old rises early and runs for an hour around Barcoo Park in the South Betoota, exclusive, leafy enclave of Danish Town while he listens to podcasts. Arriving home in time...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Greg Klimt is a self-described simple man. He enjoys supporting his beloved Dolphins and maintains a diet almost completely devoid of fruit and vegetables. "I don't like them, I like smokey BBQ sauce and potato gems for tea," he said. "Wash 'em down with a Betoota Bitter tin and a hearty bowl of Viennetta dessert cake. That's how...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After failing to get into her favourite sandstone university, Emma Hutchins thought she might as well give up on becoming anything worthwhile - her dreams of changing the world as a young lawyer were dashed before they even began. That was until an older, wiser family friend told her of the veritable Xanadu that is...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Local life partners and civil unionists, Wayne Carmichael and Adam Wolfe, told The Advocate this Sunday afternoon that they and their two adopted children enjoyed a long, hard day at a South Betoota park destroying traditional family values. "We went to the park after lunch to kick a ball around and attack marriage," said Wolfe, a 34-year-old high school...