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9 November, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact CLINTON AIDES SWARMED to Bill's side earlier tonight as he slumped forward in his seat and vomited all over his shoes. Cameras then observed the former president's eyes roll back into his head and a gurgling noise was heard as he tried to swallow his tongue. Moments before the medical emergency, the 70-year-old...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A weary and dehydrated pub rock band in South Betoota have been forced to sing eight covers of the same Daryl Braithwaite song in a row, it has been confirmed. The local musical outfit by the name of 'Silverhair' is made up of several middle-aged schoolteachers and a landscaper. They have been told by members of the crowd...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the winter festival season just around the corner, Bondi local Mike Green is slowly going over the discographies of a number of band's expected to arrive in Australia over the next few months. 'Greeny' says he looks forward to letting loose over the summer break, and reaching a 'higher plane'. With his Spotify playlists going places he's never...

  CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Pregnant Betoota woman, Danielle Brown has a lot to look forward to in the next few months. However, not least her highest-performing Instagram photo of all time, which should be due in about four months. "I've limited myself to a few nesting photos, baby clothes, that kind of stuff," she says "I haven't even dropped a photo of the...

26 October 2016. 11:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Chief statistician of the Australian Bureau Of Statistics, David Kalisch, has told the Senate that the denial of service attacks on the census website were a result of his bloody kids downloading shit on the family desktop computer. "Don't blame me, blame my bloody kids," he said. "They know I need to use that computer for work and...

21 October 2016. 13:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local millennial, Toby Campbell (24) says he can't believe he's spent so long blowing his income on vegetables and bread. After giving up smashed avocado for an entire year, Toby says he can now afford things that he never would have dreamed of. "It's amazing. I now own an iPhone" "Who would have known all I had...

11 October 2016. 15:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Promising year 12 student, Keira Birley (17) has just realised that her preparation for the Higher Schooling Certificate has been insufficient. While sitting before the examination paper in her high school gymnasium, she realises that her natural intelligence, charisma and work ethic is not going to be enough for her to go to university. One...

10 October 2016. 13:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After scouring the country for Australia's most Ordinary Rig, swimwear brand Budgy Smuggler has proven that the husky gent is far more romantically attractive than the Wahlberg-esque Calvin Klein model. Hundreds of beautiful women have camped out overnight to get their hands on the 2nd release of tickets to Australia's first ever supersize...

4 October 2016. 09:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local jet-ski owner, Bryden Foreman (38) says the next four weeks are going to be so fucking classic. As a father of three in Sydney's North-Western suburbs, Bryden doesn't think there is much chance that the imminent presidential election will affect him that much, which is why he thinks it would be so...

29 September, 2016. 20:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The National Rugby League has today crumbled amid mounting pressure from both the Cronulla Sharks FC and their fans, announcing that ANZ Stadium will be serving a special edition 'Shark Juice' on Sunday's Grand Final against the Melbourne Storm. The demands were made earlier in the year during Cronulla's marathon 16-match undefeated...