All Hail Supreme Leader Anthony Albanese. Your Microchip Has Been Activated. Modern Life Is Wonderful And Prosperous
WENDELL HUSSEY | Big Brother Spokesperson Welcome to the future. If you are reading this, life is good. If it is
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Employee Kindly Takes Resume Knowing Damn Well There Aren’t Enough Shifts To Go Round
PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT The unemployment rate in Australia is 4.5% according to the April figures from the Australian
‘Redraw!’ Exclaims Absolute Pub Larrakin 2.5 Seconds After The First Ticket Is Read Aloud At Meat Raffle
PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT The Betoota Bowls Club has been raffling meat since the time of Menzies. Meat raffles are
Local Women Slowly Dawdle Out Of Restaurant In Hopes The Other Will Suggest An Ice Cream First
SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT Two women grabbing dinner in Betoota’s French Quarter last night were seen emerging from the
Friend’s New Boyfriend Gives Everyone The Ick With Puffer Vest And Shorts Combo
VICKI DERWENT | Lifestyle | CONTACT Introducing a new partner can always be a difficult meeting to master, however for one woman
New Data Reveals Spike In Number Of Australian Households Where Mum Is The Primary Spider-Killer
SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT A new report from Betoota University indicates spider-killing duties are befalling an unprecedented number of
Local Woman’s Accent Leaning A Little British Means Love Island Season Is Back
VICKI DERWENT | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local Betoota friend group were seen with puzzling facial expressions as their Australian born friend
Full iPhone Storage Forces Local Woman To Choose Between The Joy Of Music Or Finding Love
SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT A Betoota Heights resident was forced to make a callous decision between the two apps closest
Opponents Of Victoria's Premier Seem To Have Forgotten What Happened The Last Time The W-Word Was Thrown Around
SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan has this week been targeted by a shocking and largely unoriginal advertising
Woman Who Accidentally Clicked On Vaguely Sketchy Link Last Night Unsure If She Should Warn Entire Personal Network
SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT A Betoota Heights woman is today on edge her friends and family may have already received
Grandpa Nods Politely Through Explanation Of Career He Will Never Understand
JONTY SPEEDMAN | Culture | CONTACT A local grandfather has politely nodded his way through a description of a career he has
Experts Estimate Melburnians Lose 9.5 Hours Each Weekend Queuing For Useless Bakeries And Sample Sales
SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT A new report emerging from Betoota University has found the average Melburnian spends approximately 9.5
Local Girl Risks A Week Of Head Noise For Her Boyfriend By Making Another Short King Joke
VICKI DERWENT | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local Betoota couple is seriously on the rocks this week after the girlfriend completely misjudged