Bloke Who Had Flutter On 2018 World Cup Has Already Received 78 Bonus Bet Offers Today
KEITH T. DENNET | South | Contact A local man is drowning in text messages today, as he withstands waves of digital
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Mark Zuckerberg Too Busy Reinventing Agriculture In The Metaverse To Realise WW3 Has Started
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Silicon Valley’s hopes that the entire world would detach from reality and seek fulfilment in
Spoilt Millennials Prepare For Major World War After Surviving Pandemic, ISIS, GFC
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The world’s most entitled and lucky generation is today preparing for its latest blessing – World
Breadlines Pop Up Across Russia As Australian Economic Sanctions Destroy Roo Meat Supplies
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Things are looking grim in the places like Moscow and St Petersberg today, with the reality
Report: Everyone Just Woo Up A Little
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the nation wakes up to another grim day of news, a polite request has been
People Of Ukraine Relieved To Learn They Have The Support Of Some Of The World’s Greatest Minds
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the situation escalates on the Ukrainian border, all hope for a ceasefire pact seems to
Dutton Frantically Tries To Redirect Parcel Of Tanks To Ukraine As Putin Gets The Party Started
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Defence Minister Peter Dutton is frantically trying to redirect a parcel of new tanks
Dutton Forced To Apologise To China After Revelations That Chayce From Cairns Was Responsible For Laser Pointing
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation’s Defence Minister has had to consume a little bit of humble pie today.
Report: Can You Please Settle Down Cunt
The whole world is today united in their request for President Vladmir Putin to settle down cunt, as the biggest
South Betoota Newsagency On Standby To Update Maps of Russia
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT As the world furiously sweats over the possibility of a full-scale war erupting
Channel 9 Fly Gus Gould Over To Western Ukraine To Do Special Opening Monologue For World War 3
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some exciting news from the Eastern European nation of Ukraine – Gus Gould is in the
Entire World Wondering If Pete Davidson Is One Of Those Skinny Whiteboys That Can Throw Hands
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT What started as an unexpected celebrity romance, has since turned into a historic moment in American
Foreign Minister Asks Russia If They Can Hold Up With The Tanks For A Few Decades Until Our Subs Arrive
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Pro-western Ukrainians are breathing a sigh of relief today after our very own Foreign Minister