Word Of The Week: Apricity (The Beautiful Warmth Of The Winter Sun)
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With Naplan scores dropping and literacy seemingly slipping away in an age of autocorrect, The Betoota
Latest news (Page 953)
First Prick To Yell ‘Taxi’ After Lockdown Restores Balance In World
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With Melbourne (the most locked-down city in the world during the worldwide virus shutdown) coming
Local Woman Investigates Boyfriend’s Snapchat Score After Being Left On Read For Half An Hour
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT As she absentmindedly chews at a loose piece of skin next to her thumb, a nervous
Melbourne Man Beats His Mates To The Pub For That First Pint, Just To Take It All In Ya Know
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After an awful couple years, Melbourne has today exited its sixth lockdown, after reaching the 70%
PM: “We Blocked The Inquiry Because If The Public Knew The Truth, Our Heads Would Be On Pikes”
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A cheerful Scott Morrison fronted the media this morning with the hopes of putting
Wayne Bennett On Day 1 In Redcliffe: “We Cannot Keep A Live Dolphin Captive In The Clubhouse”
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Veteran NRL coach Wayne Bennett has made a strong start on day 1 at his newest
Nats Unveil Net Zero Plan: “Okay. So We Won’t Touch Mining And Gas… But We Shoot Every Cow”
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With less than a fortnight until he is scheduled to land in Glasgow to pretend he
DAILY: The Faceless Men Of The Liberal Party, Melbourne Reopens & A Successful Old Man’s Advice – October 22
Errol Parker and Wendell Hussey kick off another day in news, live from the Desert Rock FM studio
Young Liberals Expel Member After Finding Out He Isn’t A Christian Weirdo Who Sucks At Sport
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota bloke, Baden Corkerson has today had his Young Liberals membership terminated, after it was
Melbourne Man Interested To See What 72 Hours Looks Like At Revs With These Seated-Only Rules
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After nearly a full year of locked-down days, one Melbourne man says he can’t
Christian Porter Refuses To Name Shadowy Figure Who Just Paid For His Petrol At Belconnen Servo
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In what can only be described as one of the most flagrant disregards of public trust,
“OMG Get These Chips Away From Me!” Says Local Woman After Devouring 97% Of Them
INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact In brain dead local news, a Betoota Heights woman has asked friends to keep the
Multi-Millionaire Who Bought 1st Home For 45k Says These Kids Expect Everything Handed To Them
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local 64-year-old retiree has today revealed one of the big flaws of modern