Yes, This Big Junior Constable With Good Manners And Zero Street Smarts Is From Western Queensland

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A junior police constable from Western Queensland, who is now stationed in Fortitude Valley, has been described by colleagues as being very polite, having exceptional manners but lacking the most basic of city-street smarts.

The smell of gum leaves is still very strong on Constable Mark Campbell, who is the son of a long-serving Winton police officer and a popular nurse.

The 20-year-old-brick-shit-house is known to stand tall with good posture and never slouches. He removes his hat indoors and when greeting ladies. He offers a firm handshake to every adult in the room even if there were forty of them, always address his elders as “Sir” or “Ma’am” without exception. Campbell is often seen holding doors open for others and willingly gives up his seat for anyone who looked even remotely tired. He keeps his elbows firmly off the table at all times including at home alone, waits for absolutely everyone to be seated before even glancing at his food. Even at the station house rec room, he places his napkin neatly on his lap the moment he sits down. He never reaches across another person for the salt when he could very politely ask for it to be passed. Importantly, he chews with his mouth firmly closed, he'd never speak with food in his mouth even if he'd stumbled upon an active armed robbery. In that situation, he would firmly ask the gunman in a loud, confident yet polite tone to put the gun down, and they probably would. He sits quietly and attentively without fidgeting, listening without interrupting even if the story had been going for forty-five minutes. He speaks clearly and without a trace of bad language, always use “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” as naturally as breathing. He removes his sunglasses the instant he stepped indoors. In true country gentleman fashion, he looks every person directly in the eye when speaking to them. He NEVER slouches against a fence post while a lady was present. Tips his hat to passing strangers, helps carry groceries without being asked and at all times carry himself with a quiet dignity and genuine warmth that would make his mother, his grandmother and every church lady in Western Queensland extraordinarily proud.

In addition to this, Campbell's primary function so far is running down and brutally tackling cowards fleeing from committing a one-punch assault. He's then often given the opportunity to rough them up a bit in the corridor between the police station garage and the processing room, where there are no cameras. A proud tradition in Queensland Police and a rite-of-passage for many scoundrels and feckless street urchins.

He is from the same parts of the state as Shane Webke, Matt Scott and Brent Tate. In another life, he'd be playing reserve grade in Townsville. But in this life, he is a highly respected member of the Fortitude Valley Police family. He's just rarely left on his own.

More to come.