"Wow, Glad We Don't Have A Working Opposition Lol" Says Government After A Week Of Absolute Clangers

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister and his cabinet of oddities are resting easy this week after a recent few that were absolutely riddled with clangers and old-fashioned fuck ups that would've seen a government on the ropes.

Instead Anthony Albanese is thanking his lucky stars that right now, there is nobody opposing his government in any meaningful way whatsoever, and that due to the fractured nature of conservative politics in this country, that fact has all but secured Labor as being an intergenerational ruling force.

Speaking to The Advocate today via wireless telephone from the hammock in his Copacabana front yard, Albanese couldn't help but laugh.

"Fuck me, what a disaster," he said.

"Put my foot in it on that podcast, didn't I? Lucky Pauline went for a walk through Luton with that worthless dirtbag. Even Andrew Bolt was appalled. Then we found out this ISIS bride we brought back here was a Sharia judge of some description. Should've left that one to rot in Jordan! Whoops! Then Telstra shit the bed when the boss was overseas and the Minister was on leave! Whoops!"

"And after all that, we go UP in the polls. You wouldn't read about it. Back in the day, you'd have Little Johnny, Big Joey Hockey or me in a parralell universe, Malcolm Turnbull, feeding the chooks at some doorstep just absolutely giving it to me and my government. All this personal criticism of me and my government by these talking heads on your hand computers, it's all so reductive when you think about it?"

"They should be getting around the bloke in the other corner and they're just not. You had Barnaby Joyce's One Nation breathing down my neck for a month there but a few weeks in the spotlight and the wheels have come off. People have had the chance to scrutinise One Nation and sadly, for them, they've ultimately come to the realisation that they are just not up to it. That it's all just a big joke that we are all in on and you're paying for it all. Pauline smiles and waves at me in the hallway. The worst enemies a politician has come from within their own party,"

"I actually enjoy spending time with Tony Abbott outside work. Put a pair of tongs in his hand and a warm Peroni in the other, put him on a back deck in Pymble and he's the funniest cunt on two legs. Take him down to Canberra and put a camera on him and the poo hits the bedsheets. That's just the game. Same with Pauline. She is a hoot on the piss but at work, it's grrrr we hate each other,"

"It's silly, isn't it?"

More to come.