Local Man Discovers Cure To Adult ADHD: Ten Years Of Playing Club Footy While Mercilessly Hungover

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Local carpenter, Joey Bluntstock (28) is what many doctors and fed-up ex-girlfriends would describe as an atypic ADHD sufferer.

After years of reigning havoc in Betoota's classrooms with his relentlessly hyperactive behaviour, Joey eventually dropped out of school at to begin his apprenticeship at 16.

From there, he began testing the patience of every single tradesman in Western Queensland, many of whom came very close to disciplining him physically.

From infuriating practical jokes, to the non-stop chit chat, Joey was almost unemployable - unless he was being put to work with a shovel.

But despite the very real symptoms and multiple doctors diagnosing him during random health checks, Joey has never taken medicine for his adult ADHD.

Mainly because he doesn't have the attention span for doom-scrolling social media, and therefor has never learnt how much better his life would be if he took pharmaceutical grade amphetamines.

Instead, he's found a way to manage his condition himself. In fact, many would say he's cured it.

This news has shocked the medical community, but ultimately makes sense.

It has also upset swathes of recent-ADHD sufferers who have now based their entire identity around having a trendy new neurodevelopmental disorder.

The number of Australians being diagnosed for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has increased by more than 500% since 2017, as identity politics converges with the rise of TikTok.

New analysis by UNSW Sydney researchers shows that 2.36% of Australians (490,000 people) were now taking legal speed to combat the debilitating ailments of this particular condition.

That is up from 0.35% before the pandemic. The vast majority of these new cases appear to be living in the same parts of Australia that suddenly decided they were gluten intolerant a decade ago.

But Joey is not one them. And aside from a couple year spent oscillating between taking pingers every weekend and smoking cones every weekday, he's never taken medicine for his condition.

Instead, he's spent the last ten years of his life playing club footy hungover.

A decade of being tackled with a stomach full of lager and hot chips has done what no amount of ritalin or dexies ever could.

As he approaches his thirties, Joey knows he's only got so much energy - and is no longer wasting it.

And after countless black eyes and fat lips, Joey now thinks before he talks. He doesn't even play footy anymore, but he still goes to watch. He now finds a couple every Saturday yelling from the sidelines is more than enough to keep him tempered through the week.

His girlfriend, mum and employers say he's actually quite pleasant to be around now - and praise him for managing his condition by going outside and doing things.