The first of the US Presidential debates has come and gone today, with 90ish minutes of three old white codgers talking over the top of each other.

As political pundits around the globe watched on, many have since come to the sad realisation that this was the cream of the crop.

“Fark, is that really the best the nation could throw up,” sighed one local US politics enthusiast in a quiet Old City District Office this afternoon.

“There’s 328 million people in that country, and after everything that’s had to happen to get to this stage, they decided those two were the most competent people in their county?”

“Fuck that’s grim.”

The debate covered a raft of issues from tax returns, race, health care, law and order, and whether either of the candidates will accept the results in a month’s time, but personal shots and yelling over the top of each other like a couple of pissed old blokes down at the Royal Kidman Hotel featured the most prominently throughout.

“They are so old,” said another employee in the random office people office we asked.

“It’s going to be a long few years isn’t it?”

Our reporter nodded their head.

“How can that be the best of the best? Biden is 77 and Trump is 74, my god.”

“I know we can’t exactly talk here in Australia, but we’ve only got like 25 million people.”

“God, the future looks bright.”


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