WHO Classifies Local Morning Showerer's Bed As An Active Biohazard

SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT

The World Health Organisation has issued an official biohazard warning to residents of a Betoota Heights street after discovering radioactive material in a young man's bed. 

The offender, Mr Ben Fillfy, maintains his innocence, insisting the traces must have been planted.  

However, the 23 year old’s history as a loud and proud morning showerer has authorities and neighbours questioning the credibility of his claims. 

“We can, with almost 100% confidence, say the material has entered Ben’s bed from his day to day activities. Most people would wash it off before falling asleep every night. Unfortunately, this is not the case in this instance,” said a spokesperson on behalf of WHO. 

“It’s very likely the material came from a train seat or gym bench. That’s what we’re investigating right now. And following this discovery, we will be cracking down on the city’s morning showerer population and assessing all relevant living quarters,” they added. 

Considering nuclear activity is prohibited in Australia, Ben is facing life imprisonment. Right now, he plans to plead not-guilty.

“It is a witch hunt orchestrated by the government and WHO to tear down morning showerers. Somehow, I have become the martyr. But I will never stop fighting for my people. Whatever makes its way into my bed is washed off in the morning anyway, and then my sheets are washed once a month. And I will happily tell that to the judge, and in some ways, the world.”

More to come.