ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights father-of-two took delivery of his new 2015 Kia Sportage over the weekend and when he arrived at the dealership to collect it, someone had put a giant red bow on the bonnet.
Recounting the momentous event to our reporter this morning, Dale Chegwin said he appreciated the gesture and it's nice to see that level of salesmanship still exists in this day and age but ultimately, it was a bit unnecessary to do considering it was the base model Sportage, with nearly a quarter million kilometres and a different brand of tyre on each wheel.
"I don't want to seem like I don't appreciate it, I do, but this is not a super joyous occasion for me as it's a significant downgrade and will be driven until it stops," he said.
"When I went to collect it on Saturday arvo, the bloke at the used car desk made eye contact with me and just nodded. He knew why I was there. He goes, 'G'day, you here for the Sportage?' and I kind of nodded back and said, 'Yeah. Yeah, man, that's me,' and he led me out the back,"
"He goes, 'Well, here it is, mate,' and sure as shit, there it was. A 2015 Sportage with the clearcoat peeling off the roof, cloudy headlights. Smooth steering wheel. Smooth pedals. A driver's seat that's seen more bums than a colorectal surgeon."
When asked what happened to his old car, Chegwin just sighed.
"I had a VE Sportswagon. A 2010. A fucken great car. Fantastic to drive, too much boot space. Two car seats fit perfectly. It looked great. It was an Omega but so it didn't have all that flash stuff on it. A real pragmatist's car. I miss it," he said.
"But unfortunately, you can only ignore an engine light for so long. I took it to the mechanic and he ran the codes for me. P0008, P0009, P0016, P0017, P0018, P0019. Rattly cold start, blowing blue smoke. I said, 'Mate, you might as well be speaking Cantonese, what does that mean?' and he just goes 'It means it's fucked mate, get rid of it,'"
"So I made sure it was insured, over insured I might add, and I put in my old footy mouthguard and my bike helmet and put it into a gum tree down the street at 40. In hindsight, probably a bit too fast. The airbag broke my nose and I haven't been able to take a deep breath in for weeks since it happened. Everyone came out of their houses, people checking to see if I was OK? I managed to get my helmet off and mouthguard out before too many people got there. A bloke down the street saw my take it off and laughed, he knew. Anyway, the cops come and they're like what the fuck, how the fuck did you manage this and I said I swerved to miss a dog. Obviously put me on the bag and took some blood. No worries there, then rang up Allianz and told them the sob story, few days later, I've got $15,500 in my bank account and I'm ready to go car shopping. It's truly a victimless crime."
More to come.
