EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Trying to quickly figure out if a bloke is single? Chances are, his socks hold the key.
1. Long socks
Chances of being taken: 80%
If you spot a millennial man wearing long socks, there’s a good chance he’s already taken. These blokes understand the value of stability, warmth, and, most importantly, commitment. They’re also subconsciously following in the footsteps of their boomer dads, who love nothing more than rocking a pair of long socks and New Balance sneakers.
2. Silly socks
Chances of being taken: 60%
A bloke who wears silly socks is signalling to the world that he’s stable, emotionally available and a little bit quirky. This is because rocking up to work sporting pizza socks takes a certain level of humility and ability to laugh at one self, which is a lot easier to do when you’re in a stable relationship, and not when you’re still navigating the choppy waters of dating apps.
3. Ankle socks
Chances of being taken: 50%
Spot a man in ankle socks? There’s a solid 50% chance he’s single – and an equally solid chance he’s in a committed relationship. So, not really that helpful. Millennials in general, just love their ankle socks.
4. No show socks or no socks
Chances of being taken: 20%
If a bloke is rocking no socks – especially if paired with boat shoes – there is a very high chance he’s single. But the catch? He’s also probably a fuckboy.
Blokes who raw dog their shoes thrive on chaos, keeping their ankles, and ah…other things, completely unprotected. And no show? They probably keep a packet of Skyns close feel frangas in their bottom drawer ready go.
And just remember – they say the ‘bigger the hoop the bigger the hoe’, but the same can be said with blokes and the amount of ankle showing. They’re essentially the 21st century version of harlots.
5. Footy socks/ branded gym socks
Chances of being taken: 10%
If a bloke wears footy socks recreationally outside of an actual game, you can safely assume he is single – especially if the socks are still a bit sweaty. Same can be said if he’s wearing gym sock brands, such as Gym Shark or Muscle Nation, because there’s a higher chance he’s suddenly gotten super into working out. And why? Because when you feel out of control with your life, in particular, trying to get over an ex, the only thing you can control, is becoming super jacked.
