“Fuck This City” Says Maitland Diesel Fitter Struggling To Park Ram Truck In Paddington

KEITH T. DENNET | South | Contact

Road rage is billowing out of the window of a RAM 1500 this evening as a Hunter Valley Diesel Fitter attempts to make it to Sydney Football Stadium in time for kick off.

With the South Sydney Rabbitohs taking on the mighty Newcastle Knights tonight at the SFS, 28 year old diesel fitter Branxton Cameron has allegedly battled the traffic to travel down from Maitland to watch the game.

Having sat in bumper to bumper traffic all along the M1 motorway, flanked by fellow Newy supporters, it’s believed Branxton then struggled to navigate the many confusing road signs and motorways of Sydney, eventually getting stung $35 to travel along the NorthConnex tunnel to get spat out in some suburb he’s never heard of.

And now, after finally working out how to reboot his Apple maps and get within ear shot of the stadium, Branxton is struggling to find a park that’ll take his 5.8m long RAM truck.

“Furrrrk this city caaaaarrrrnt” Branxton screamed into his steering wheel, as he stalked the back streets of Paddington trying to spot a park.

“Why the farrrrrk would anyone wanna live here?!” he yelled, as he passed a wine bar packed with well-heeled locals, sipping wine and cheese on the footpath on a Friday night.

Given he only has 8 minutes until kick off, and he hasn’t even worked out which gate to enter the stadium yet, Branxton has told The Advocate that a loading zone or a disabled parking spot might just have to be the only option.

“Nah stuff em, I’ll just pay the fine,” said Branxton, as he backed the truck into a backstreet, blocking up two roller door garages that belong to some million dollar terrace house.

“Cost me $300 in fuel to get here, what’s another $300 or so for parking. I’ll just do an extra hour at Mt Thorley next swing, it’ll cover me for the whole weekend.”

“Up the FKN KNIGHTS!”