NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has today made an attempt at combating the fact that she has swayed ever closer to losing the vote of anyone under the age of 45 this week.

How? By offering a fool-proof plan B for festival organisers who are being crippled by the fact that New South Wales has way more police than crime, and instead are exploiting youth events to pay for them to monitor their crowds or risk being shut down.

“Just have it at Pyrmont” said Berejiklian, referring to the NSW state government puppeteer, The Star Casino.

“Plenty of room down there, and the cops aren’t even allowed inside”

“They’ve got a buffet, pokies. There’s a reason it’s the only venue we left outside of the lock-out zones in inner-city Sydney! For culture and stuff like this”

This comes after the cancellation of yet another music festival in New South Wales. Scheduled for 15-16 of February at the Mount Penang Parklands, Mountain Sounds has been canned due to “further conditions and financial obligations [being] imposed on the festival” a week out from the event, “which were impossible to meet.”

Mountain Sounds was slugged with a $200,000 quote for a police presence of 45 user pay officers on a 24-hour cycle. “This came one week out from the festival and blindsided us as we were quoted for 11 user pay police on 18 January.”

The Premier’s announcement follows five drug-related deaths in six months at music festivals, out of the the 1000 that happened in NSW at the time – and ongoing calls for pill testing trials, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian vowed to improve safety at music festivals by allowing them to take place in the Star Casino – where deaths from violence or drugs aren’t reported.

‘The War On Festivals’ is the most recent example of the New South Wales Government politicising one-off tragedies that unfortunately happen from time to time in an attempt to appeal to their core voter based of franking credit hoarding boomers that hate noise, and hate seeing young people have fun.

However, Berejiklian says NSW youth shouldn’t be so negative about the fact their lives are becoming increasingly similar to the 1980s movie Footloose.

“Remember we’ve got ANZ Mardi Gras coming up”

“Unfortunately we couldn’t have any stilts or lasers this year because the new residents committee in Darlinghurst thought it was a bit crass”

“But still, we’ve got Vivid too”

“You know, with all the lights and stuff”


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