ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The root cause of the Margaret Court controversy over the past week has been uncovered this afternoon.

Margaret Court said she’s jealous of Rod Laver’s neighbouring Arena getting all the good musical acts like Elton John while hers only attracts the likes of Noel Gallagher’s brother, washed-up acts from the 80s and boxing matches between two men who think Margaret Court is just a tennis court named after somebody called Margaret.

Court came clean to the media a short time ago in Melbourne, where she outlined the outrage against her as a ‘double standard’.

“I’m not half as racist as Don Bradman was. I’m basically Princess Diana compared to that grumpy old bastard. He hated Catholics, too. And gay people, too! And look how history remembers him! Maybe if I too had kicked the bucket before 9/11, history would remember me through rose-coloured glasses, too!” she started.

“But let me move on, I don’t care about Tennis Australia blowing smoke up my arse. They’re all out of smoke anyway blowing it up Rod’s! I’m just a bit dirty that Rod’s Arena gets all the good acts like Elton John, Queen and Savage fucking Garden! Throw me a bone, Rod! I’m stuck with old sore throat Gallagher and Simple Minds! Simple Minds, people!”

“I’m still going to come to the Australian Open. Will I take a knee if they play the Kylie Minogue remix of Advance Australia Fair instead of a more traditional rendition? Yes, probably but we’ll all cross that bridge when we get to it!”

“Epstein didn’t kill himself!”

When asked by the media what she meant by that, she said her grandson put her up to it.

More to come.


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