CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After a long week of fruitless campaigning in rural New South Wales, the newly crowned leader of the Opposition has today received some unpleasant news.
It's not that the Labor Government are likely to drop the most left-wing Federal budget since Gough Whitlam next Thursday.
It's not that Jim Chalmers will face zero hurdles in his mission to pass it into law.
It's not that Sussan Ley is actively undermining her former party's campaign in the Farrer By-Election by refusing to answer any phone calls.
And it's not that a once safe Coalition seat in the regional Australian agricultural heartland is most likely going to be won by either a Teal or a full blown redneck.
There's a lot of unpleasant news that Taytay has had to contend with since taking over the job as Coalition leader in February. But nothing has made him groan quite as gutturally as today's run sheet.
As the Liberals begin the long road to rebuilding the Federal Coalition into a remotely electable political institution - the party's last remaining Howard-era advisors are begging Taylor to drag their politics back towards the centre.
Ever since the syndication of Sky News to free-to-air television, the Liberal Party branch members - many of whom are 80-something blokes who made millions from property investments - have led this once powerful political brand down the rabbithole of culture wars and conspiracy.
If they ever want to take power again, Taylor's advisor's keep telling him, then their handsome leader will need to make an appearance alongside the culture vultures at events like tonight.
"What's on tonight?" Taylor asks his Teal-whisperers.
"The Archibald Prize" they tell him.
"Oh for fuck's sake" he groans.
"Not the resin jewlery crowd. Please don't make me do that"
Taylor's advisors refuse to budge. If he wants to win back the inner-city seats, he needs to pretend he likes this shit.
"Okay give me the run down" he concedes.
"Let me guess, a couple portraits of Albo and Waleed. Maybe one of those leftie cricketers who can't sleep because of climate change?"
His advisors nod slowly.
"Will Christopher Pyne be there at least. Did anyone paint Barnesy this year?"
His advisors tell him that it's most likely going to be as much of a leftie-fest as he imagines, and that Chris Minns is the closest thing he's gonna have to a friend at tonight's soiree.
"Will Wendy Whitely be there?" he asks.
"I'll just hide away as her chaperone"
"Those old art dots can't resist a young fella in moleskins"
