Club Playmaker Cops A Spray For Skipping Weekend Footy To Propose To His Girlfriend
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT One of Betoota’s most exciting young halfbacks is expected to be sanctioned this
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Victoria Police Investigate Reports Of A Bendigo Man Getting Married In Portsea
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Portsea residents are today being told to be wary of a man who may be asking
“All Modern Music Sounds The Same” Says Bloke Who Can Tell The Difference Between AC/DC Songs
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Although no one is sure how it happened, someone let uncle of 12 and fulltime Gen
Local Girl Meeting Boyfriend’s Mates For First Time Realises She Chose Least Attractive One
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Aside from meeting the parents, the one big pivotal moment for a burgeoning relationship is meeting
Tony Abbott Takes Paid Leave From Unemployment After Death Of His Most Important Constituent
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Prime Minister turned unemployable baby boomer, Tony Abbott, has today announced that he will be
Australia Mourns Man Who Hated Us
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australians young and old, mostly old, have today come together to remember the life and times
Prince Phillip Dies At 99, Unfortunately Just Misses Out On Getting A Letter From The Queen
In some news that hasn’t shocked Royal followers, Prince Philip has died.
Local Girls Not Ashamed Of Table Of 20 Cocktails At Back End Of Happy Hour
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | CONTACT There isn’t a shred of regret or shame emanating from Emily, Julie or Annabel tonight
Dinner Plans With Girlfriend Looking Less Likely After Tray Of Rums Arrives
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Stepping out of his new office on Betoota’s leafy Upper West Side, Connor Wales thought
Scotty Declares His Reliable And Capable Government Has Secured “ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOSES!”
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT If you believe our rapidly gear-changing Prime Minister on any issue related to the roll-out of
“If You’re Worried About This Jab We Don’t Have, You Can Always Use Our App That Doesn’t Work”
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has last night successfully constructed a narrative to excuse himself for
Byron Incense Retailer Hates To Say I Told You So But Even The PM Doesn’t Trust Big Pharma Now
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Byron mother of three earth children has weighed in on the AstraZeneca saga today, revealing
Nation Waits For Just One Politician To Address The Fact This Looks A Lot Like Fucken Slavery
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As tech companies continue to pat themselves on the back for their commitments to climate change