Regional News24 Viewer Apparently Knows More About Melbourne Than Person Living In Melbourne

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

A bloke from the bush is more familiar with the lay of the land in Melbourne than a CBD resident.

Paul Grogan, a Gippsland native and avid News24 viewer believes that Melbourne is on the brink of collapse. 

A natural conclusion for someone who is hooked up to the 24/7 carjacking, knife crime livestream that is News24.

“It’s a war zone mate”

“We need to clean up Victoria”

“There’s a carjacking every 30 seconds,” he said, misquoting a Facebook post he saw.

Slowly but surely, from the comfort of his own arm chair, Mr Grogan has developed a better geographical understanding of Melbourne than someone who lives the confines of Hoddles grid.

Despite living on a 6 acre property surrounded by an electric fence, Mr Grogan's most pressing issue is the crime he’s witnessing on a daily basis in marginal Liberal seats such as Pakenham and Berwick. 

“The crime wave has turned into a tsunami!”

“I don’t know how they leave the house in Melbourne without getting harassed by the crime gangs”

“Now the crime is spreading into our communities and it won’t be too long before it's on my doorstep,”he said. 

Meanwhile, most Narrm inhabitants have never even heard of Berwick because they rarely leave Brunswick. 

They attribute the crime wave to the tobacco wars and accept it as a natural consequence of being able to buy cheap cigs on every street corner.

People living in Melbourne believe the biggest existential threat to their safety is their HECS debt.

News24’s war correspondents will be providing wall to wall crime coverage directly into the living rooms of regional Victorians until the November election.

More to come.