Reanimated Robert Menzies Elected As Tony Abbott's Vice President Of Liberal Party

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The reanimated corpse of Robert Menzies has been elected as vice president of Tony Abbott's Liberal Party this week.

Menzies, who lead the nation in two tranches between 1939 and 1941 then 1949 to 1966, is widely considered the father of the modern Liberal Party and embodies the true essence of what the party stands for.

Described by Abbott as a "giant of the movement", Menzies was met with sensible clapping and muted whooping as he took the state at Sydney's Wentworth Hotel last night.

Those in the room expressed their shock at seeing the former Prime Minister, who died in his Melbourne office back in 1978.

"Holy fuck, that's Bobby Menzies!" said one delegate.

"We are so back, fuck yeah," said another.

When Abbott finally got control of the crowd, he invited Menzies to say a few words.

"Eveniiiing, everybaady! Is nice fi be back, uh, hol' on, wha' wrong wid mi voice? Somebody set it pon rude bwoy. Sorry Tony, yuh can help mi change it back? Sorry everybaady."

There was a pause for two young men in black clothes to run out on the stage to change the voice output from Kingston Rudeboy to Ageing Brighton Cunt.

"Ah yes, we're back. Thank you Tony. It's great to be back on Earth. Let me tell you, Kerry Packer was right. When you die, there's nothing there. It's just black. Like my new skin! Look at me! Am I even allowed in the Wentworth? Oh, I am? Christ, things have changed, haven't they," said Menzies.

"When they brought me back, they told me a buck-tooth divorced Catholic from Sydney's hellish western suburbs was the Prime Minister and I just about said, 'Put me back in the ground! I don't want to live in an Australia where that is even vaguely possible! But Tony convinced me to stay. To fight for an Australia that people like me built. We have a lot of work to do!"

More to come.