Productivity Grinds To Dead Stop Because Office Zip Tap Is Fucked

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The leasing department of LJ Hooker Betoota Heights is managing, somehow, to do even less this week because their Zip tap is fucked.

Due to the only thing inside those four walls that works all day deciding to pack it in, productivity has ground to a halt.

That means nobody can have a cup of tea, nobody can sterilise cutlery in a needlessly dangerous fashion. People can't rinse out their old tea cups from yesterday. Long black drinkers can't top themselves up. Without caffeine's partner in life, everything has gone to shit.

"We're having to go down the cafe, it's fucked," said of them.

Our reporter noticed a young bloke in scuffed pleather loafers and a cheap suit and thought they must be an outer metro leasing agent.

"We got the bloke from Zip coming out this week to fix it. Until then, fuck me, we're having to spend $5 a throw on coffee. This is typical of Albo and Jim's Australia,"

"Tell you what, you take a Zip tap for granted till it's gone."

When asked if the agency's owners had considered getting a $7 Anko kettle in the interim, the young bloke said he was unaware what that was.

More to come.