New Research Suggests 98% Of Sore Losers Also Youngest Child

SANDY FRASER | Youth | CONTACT

A new study out of Betoota University has confirmed sore losers are almost always the youngest child in their family. 

The research, which was performed by the uni’s sociology unit, saw over 4000 families living in and around Betoota detail their experiences. 

According to lead researcher Dr Ezekiel Stingle, the survey’s responses only substantiated his team’s initial hypothesis. 

“Yep it is pretty much exactly what we were expecting,” he said. 

“Like these guys are worse than only children. They just cannot handle [losing].”

“Unfortunately at this stage we cannot ascertain a direct cause of this behaviour, we need to do some further research, but it’s very likely a product of long harboured emotional frustration and resentment.”

“Meaning there’s also little that can be done to prevent such bitterness. 20 year losing streaks are simply inevitable as a youngest child.”

One survey participant, Betoota Plains local Joey Edmunds (24), says his younger brother has always responded poorly to defeat. 

“Playing with him has never been enjoyable. I’m sat there thinking about my next move and all I can hear is him sighing and groaning and saying ‘hurry up’,” he said. 

“And then when he does lose he’s all like ‘oh you cheated’ and ‘this is rigged anyway’. But it’s like, mate, you’re the one that was playing as banker, like how do you suppose I’m the one that cheated?” 

“But yeah anyway, I would confidently say it has nothing to do with me always being player one and always winning and then laughing in his face and stirring him up even further when he did lose back in the day. I think it’s just an innate personality thing in my opinion.”

Joey’s brother Louis Edmunds (21) refused to add comment when contacted. 

“The results of that survey are bullshit and probably fake. You can quote that but it's all I'll say,” he said. 

More to come.