NAB Christmas Party Looking Grim As CEO Announces Everyone Needs To Bring A Plate

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

Employers at NAB have been directed to brush up on their cob loaf and mini-quiche making skills this week, as the big four bank prepares for silly season.

With the old institutional fossil revealing its plans to make 1,500 staff redundant by Christmas, and another thousand gone by mid next year, it’s understood plans for the NAB end of year party are a little more subdued than years gone by.

In an email leaked to The Advocate, it’s understood executives at the bank have attempted to lift the dire mood by announcing that Christmas is very much still going ahead, but it’s a bit more of a “bring your own plate” kind of arrangement.

Despite the fact most of the well-heeled staff members aren’t excited by the opportunity to lug a tupperware container of chopped cheese cubes into the office, it’s believed the bank is trying to reframe the initiative as a team building exercise, and the chance to upskill the AI capabilities of all employees.

“To further bolster our teamwork into the new year, we’re asking department heads to communicate effectively and co-ordinate their party platter making efforts,” the email read, allegedly.

“We’re recommending Risk & Compliance take care of hot finger foods, and Corporate Governance takes the lead on biscuits and cakes for the tea and coffee station.”

“Further to this, we’re encouraging all staff to use ChatGPT in their search and execution of their chosen recipe, and we’re offering a free $20 iTunes card to the employee who makes the best Mars Bar Slice on the night.”

“We’ve booked a small Scout Hall or indoor squash court in every major city for the festivities, and we’re asking all staff to contribute $15 which will be collected as a local community donation. Please join us and celebrate a very NAB-Christmas.”