Middle Aged Dad Reassessing Life Choices While Waiting On Teenage Weed Dealer’s Couch

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“Yeah, I’ll be out in a second… just have a seat”

It’s the painful words that no one wants to hear. Particularly a 42 year-old accountant who is beginning to feel ashamed by his habitual marijuana use.

Local father of three, Matthew Geyer, says as a 42-year middle aged father of three – he has a hard enough time finding a reliable and low-key weed dealer in the suburbs. That is, without the added concerns that come with having to forge a peculiar and unwanted friendship with them.

“I’ve been smoking this shit [on and off] since I was seventeen. The only problem I have with my habit is the age-old method of purchase… It never changes”

Mr Geyer says that visiting his newest dealer, Jai, is one of the most humiliating things he has to do each fortnight.

“Look, my wife knows I have a toke every now and then – but my kids don’t, my neighbours don’t… No one else except a few of my mates know,”

“That’s why these covert missions to Jai’s house suck so much. Here I am, feeling like a full-blown junkie (sic), sitting on a 19-year old’s linen couch while he weighs me up a quarter ounce in the kitchen.”

“It’s not uncommon for him to have four or five mates sitting around punching cones and playing Guitar Hero… With me in the middle… I am a fucking accountant! What the fuck is wrong with me?”

Geyer claims that the “awkward couch-time” was the catalyst for many of his like-minded adult friends to quit smoking marijuana – but like many habitual users, Geyer can’t explain why he “just keeps going back”.

“It’s not that bad once I’ve left this little deadshits house, because I know I don’t have to worry about him for another few weeks. But each time I rock up and knock on that door… I hate myself. My mates are right – it’s just not worth the shame,”

“I am not even sure what the go is… it might be his parents place… I just don’t care. About him or his no-hoper mates,”

However, as bad as it is dealing with Jai – Geyer believes it could be, and has been, much worse.

“There was this one little creep that carried on like he was Tony Montana… He would change numbers every three weeks and would only ever come to me,”

“I’d have to wait down the street at the footy oval – and even then he would make me get in his car and do a lap with him.”

“Jai’s alright, but I would be so stoked if this shit got legalised – the awkward couch-time does my head in. His mates play the shittest music and they talk absolute nonsense,”

“One of them tried to tell me that 9/11 was an inside job by the US Government… I am far more sophisticated than this”