White Bloke Delivering Pad Thais On A Fucked E-Bike Either A Retrenched Real Estate Agent Or French

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local fat fuck was greeted by a hollowed out white bloke last night, who handed him a tepid Pad Thai, a little bag of curry puffs and a full-strength can of Pepsi.

"Here you go, mate," said the man.

"Enjoy, cob."

The experience stuck with Dom Greenfield, who said every time he's summoned a meal through a food delivery app, it's been delivered by an "international student" on a rooted e-bike. Last night marked the first occasion where a white bloke knocked on his door.

"Couldn't tell if he had an accent or not, he could've just been from the city," Greenfield told our reporter this morning from behind his front screen door.

"But yeah, it's got me fucked why any white bloke would wanna do that shit? You'd get more on the dole these days. Wonder who he was?"

After 40 minutes of research conducted by The Advocate's investigative news desk Spotlight, the man can be named as Alexander Trame, a former leasing agent with LJ Hooker Betoota Heights.

When questions where put to Trame this morning by this masthead, he was more than happy to share some insights into how his life's been derailed by the downturn in people buying as many shitbox apartments as they can before leveraging cunt off them to buy a shit but free standing house in a suburb that's not full of people chopping each other to bits with machetes.

"Yeah nah, no rental stock to the boss said sorry bloke, you're not coming in on Monday, you're out of the job thanks to that fuckwit Jim Chalmers and his halfwit mate Albo and that was that," he said.

"But yeah, I was living week to week and I need a job so bang, I got on Gunt Feeds and I'm making the big bucks now. Serious, there's fuck all difference between an outer suburban leasing agent and a food delivery man. I'm not going on the dole, either, I can work, I'm no junkie, either, I can work so I'll work,"

"Yeah but it's pretty grim. People in this town got no time for cyclists. I take my hat off to the blokes who do it, there's nothing worse than getting abused by some short fat cunt in a Ford Ranger, like you know that if he got out, you could, if push came to shove, kill him with your bare hands. People get too comfy these days, back in the days you'd get bashed half to death for saying half the stuff you'd say that people are saying online, serious but."

When asked if he planned on going back into real estate, Trame said maybe.

More to come.