Man Uses Plastic Bag To Cook Steak In Desperate Cry For Help

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man has been cooking steaks in plastic bags, his mates have revealed today, in what they interpret as a desperate cry for help.

Friends of Mark Todd, of Riverbend Circuit in Betoota Heights, said at first the signs that the 38-year-old IT solutions manager at the Betoota Shire Council was using a glorified zip-lock bag to boil bits of meat in were subtle - but eventually snowballed into something that began to worry them.

It began last Wednesday, during a State of Origin BBQ at Todd's gardenless Hotondo tent-style home.

Todd had invited friends over to have a few beers out of clear bottles, a few steak sandwiches and some good old fashioned Blues flogging. It wasn't meant to be.

One mate told this masthead that Todd entered his garage with a plastic sack with half a dozen supermarket scotch fillets inside. He then plopped it into a waiting sous vide, which his mate admitted he thought was a bit of homebrewing kit.

"He sets the whole thing up and goes, 'Ah perfect. Snags will go in next,' and I'm just thinking what the fuck is going on here," they said.

While the meat was boiling in plastic, Todd took the cover off his two-burner Jumbuck hotplate and got it ripping hot. The garage began filling with smoke.

"After about 40 minutes or so, he pulls these steaks out of the bag. They look like a dead man's hand at this point. Then he burns them on the hot place for a minute and gives them to us. Sure, they were cooked to perfection but Christ. We live in the age of microplastics. His colon probably looks like a creek in Jakarta by this point," they added.

"What's wrong with just flopping them on the Jumbuck to begin with? Bitta salt and some oil and herbs and shit. Be done in 5 minutes. Somethings going on with Toddy."

More to come.