Home and Away Writer Fired For Not Reaching One Car Crash Scene Per Season Quota

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT

A Home and Away writer has today been fired after going against the norm and seriously breaching their contract.

Clearly stipulated in bold, capital letters, writers were warned prior to joining the program that each season was to include at least ‘one-car crash’, a drug overdose and if possible, an explosion.

The writer, who for legal purposes cannot be named, admits she’d been on thin ice after not adding enough gratuitous shirtless scenes, and for forgetting to include the word ‘flamin’ to every sentence uttered by Ray Meaher.

“I could feel myself getting slowly iced out after suggesting we go a season without a disaster of some kind,” said the young woman sheepishly.

“I just didn’t think it was feasible for Summer Bay to get blown up for the seventeenth time.”

The disgraced writer reveals that the team had an official ‘Home and Away bingo’ where it was a race to squeeze as any ridiculous storylines in one season.

“Sometimes we’d do stupid stuff to stretch an episode, like include some actual character development or something.”

“It got exhausting, trying to come up with new, inventive ways for the show to progress, so I guess the car crash clause was added to make our jobs a little easier.”

Fortunately, it’s rumored that the writer wasn’t out of work for long, as her commitment to producing believable drama quickly found a place in reality television.

More to come.