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A recent study by the Betoota Human Rights Commission found that the most politically vocal members of society actually aren’t the citizens who live in fear of having their lives taken from them by overzealous police officers and prison wardens.

The BHRC study has revealed that the average right-wing conspiracist on Facebook is is unable to see the pure, unfiltered irony between them calling for the execution or life incarceration of black rights protestors – and their own sense of victimhood and oppression after being asked to wear masks in public.

This comes as the Victorian governments calls for mandatory face masks for all residents, in an effort to curb the explosive second wave of COVID-19 cases.

On Sunday, the state government announced all residents of Melbourne and Mitchell Shire would be required to wear a face covering from 11.59pm on Wednesday when leaving their house, with people caught without them facing a $200 fine.

This purely preventative public health measure has sense been politicised by the architects of the Australian culture wars at NewsCorp, who have turned this simple directive into a nonsensical debate over personal freedoms versus societal duties.

Overnight hundreds of thousands of Australians flags and motor vehicle display pictures have taken to Facebook to condemn the Victorian government’s fascist agenda of forcing people to stop spreading this horrible virus that has killed over 600,000 people worldwide.

While the accusations that Victorian Premier Dan Andrews is trying to ‘control the people’ come across as ridiculous to begin with, the growing distrust in the existence of common sense has been even further magnified by the revelations the fact that the same people accusing him of running a totalitarian dictatorship are also the same people that think protestors should be murdered by the state just makes.

The unpredictable triggers of right-wing outrage are now harder to identify than an asymptomatic case of COVID-19, as Herald Sun readers bounce between accusing the Victorian government of both criminal negligence and over-the-top oppression at the same time.

At time of press, the Quiet Victorians were also questioning why they have spent the last 200 years blindly adhering to the government’s fascist rules that citizens should wear both pants and undergarments in public – and were desperately searching for a way to blame Premier Andrews for the fact that they are being forced to cover up their genitals while walking outside on a 13 degree day.

MORE TO COME.

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