CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Grandpa Kev has today realised his role as Australia’s fill-in father figure might continue indefinitely after our discovering our flakey Prime Minister’s plans to once again skip town in the middle of a crisis.
While rummaging through the underwhelming ‘man cave’ at Kirribilli House, Former PM Kevin Rudd has stumbled across some damning documents that point to Scotty From Marketing’s plans to disappear back to his ‘safe place’ – Waikiki Beach, in Honolulu Country.
This follows the news that Kevin Rudd has relocated from his home in Brisbane back to the secondary official residence of the Prime Minister of Australia, in an effort to help mentor Scott Morrison in his duties as the leader of Australia, and as a man.
Rudd’s decision to step out of retirement to return to unofficial duties as an Australian statesmen appears be one he was forced into in early June – after he was approached by senior business figures who begged him to take over the negotiations with multinational pharmaceutical suppliers in an effort to accelerate our nation’s bungled jab roll-out.
Since moving back into Kirribilli House earlier this month, Grandpa Kev has been awash with simple tasks that need tending to, as he becomes very well aware that Australia’s current leader is nothing but a two-bit bureaucrat with absolutely no problem-solving skills.
It is believed that Grandpa Kev was in the garage looking for some WD-40, after realising that Jenny Morrison was almost at breaking point over the squeaky pantry door that Scotty had been promising to sort out for months.
With Dire Straits blaring through the stereo, Kev began intensely swirling an Earl Grey teabag in his mug while inspecting Scotty’s absolute pigsty of a shed.
“Look at this dump” he muttered, as he began flicking open drawers and sorting through underused hardware.
But it was an accidental elbow bump with the Prime Minister’s unwashed fishing kit that left Grandpa Kev speechless.
The three-tiered tackle box sprung open, only to reveal the secret Qantas travel documents that Scotty had been hiding from his wife – and Australia.
“Wait a second…” said Grandpa Kev
“…Sydney to Hawaii… One-way?? When’s this for?”
“August?? This August?!?”
Grandpa Kev became overcome with rage as he pieced two and two together.
“This deadbeat is trying to pull another runner… In the middle of a crisis he caused!!” roared the furious elderly statesman.