In a rare moment of humble defeat, the Premier Of Victorian has today admitted that maybe the future of human civilisation should not rest on the shoulders of someone who is paid $17 an hour with little training in biosafety.

This comes after new revelations that the security guards put in charge of the quarantining of COVID-19 positive overseas arrivals in serviced apartments around Melbourne, were also pulling double shifts at nearby public housing blocks.

Premier Andrews faces further scrutiny for not throwing his hands up and letting the military and police take over the quarantine stations, like NSW and QLD opted to do.

The security personnel had also reportedly been socialising with the quarantined hotel guests, with one confirmed report of an intimate relationship between a guard and an infected arrival.

However, new reports suggests the guard has also done a lot more fucking than that.

In fact, it looks like both the guard and his Peter Dutton-affiliated employers might have fucked an entire city, as Melbourne begins their second lockdown – which Andrews has stated will take place for a minimum of six weeks.

It could even be argued that security contractors have also fucked the entire Australian economy, as JobKeeper and JobSeeker applications begin to surge again with all of Melbourne and Mitchell Shire being told to stay home for the next month and a half.

“It looks like we aren’t getting on the beers for a while now” sighed Andrews today.

“Sorry about that.”

“But do you honestly reckon the army or cops would turn down a root if it was going?”



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here