Late Call Up Forces Old Boy To Boil A New Mouthguard In The Sheds Before Kick Off

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

An aging prop forward is making some emergency DIY dental protection this morning, as he prepares to run out onto the footy field.

Despite declaring that he had most definitely retired two seasons ago, West Betoota plumber Duncan “Doughnuts” Fuller reportedly woke up to three missed calls from teammates this morning, all begging him to come down for a run around in the Betoota Mutts Div 3 competition.

Despite being less than three rounds into the rugby season, it’s believed a bad case of Bali Belly has wiped out half the forward pack this week, paving the way for Duncan to come down to the local ground and make his annual comeback.

However, after throwing out his mouthguard and headgear over a year ago, Duncan reportedly had to make an emergency pitstop at a local chemist on the way to the oval, to buy himself a mouthguard for the afternoon.

And without the time to properly mould it in the comfort of his kitchen, Duncan was forced to use a cup of hot tea from the canteen to get his guard ready for the game.

“We’re on boys, I found some hot water!” Duncan yelled, as he plopped the mouthguard into a keepcup and started stirring the bubbling water while standing in his undies in the sheds.

“I went to the canteen and they got me some water from the urn, they even left the tea bag in there.”

Having not participated in any form of cardio-vascular activity since jogging home from the pub last Christmas Eve, Duncan admits he’s simply making up the numbers today.

“I think realistically I’m just a warm cardboard cut out, just a big body to take up space in the defensive line.” 

“I’d love one or two hit ups, one good clean out and then I’ll happily waddle off and take a breather on the wing.”

“I don’t think I’ll be racing away for any full field tries today, or I’d be asking the physio to strap up my knees.”

More to come.