Fed Up Queenslander Refuses To Use Tongs At Qantas Club Sandwich Bar

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Queenslander travelling home from Sydney, the world's largest open air sewer, has refused to use tongs this morning at the Qantas Club because he's fed up with everything.

Returning to the bar for a further 250 grams of pretzels, cookies and 25 slices of ham, Gladstone gas plant worker Darryn Jank used his bare hands instead of the tongs that Qantas want you to use, for reason he detailed to our reporter.

"Fuck the tongs," he said.

"I'm sick of being told what to do."

Our reporter, who was also present at the Qantas Club in Sydney this morning after a recent demotion from the Chairman's Lounge for reasons unfit to publish, pressed the issue further with Jank.

"Well like fuck, how the fuck are you supposed to pick up a bunch of fucken pretzels with a pair-a-fucken tongs?! Fucken stupid, but!" he added.

"And it's just-a-bitta-ham, I didn't touch any other slices. The cunts won't even let me have a beer until after 12 as well. Nanny state fuck hole NSW is."

By this stage, the lounge attendants were looking at the pair of us with a growing sense of distain.

"Shut up," our reporter said.

"You're going to get me kicked out of here as well. Next, I'll be down in that tarted up refugee camp they call Icebergs. Sitting next to a bloke in thongs having a pre-9am soft drink, watching Family Guy on his android tablet."

Jank nodded and apologised.

"It just fucken pissed me off."

More to come.