English Cricketer Handle Your Piss Challenge: Impossible

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

English Test Captain Ben Stokes has done himself a mischief while out on the piss again, prompting serious questions over his suitability to lead the team for the rest of their home series with New Zealand.

Details are cloudy at the moment but it's understood by The Advocate that Stokes and some of his boys were hitting the town after thrashing a collection of Kiwi geography teachers and cattle farmers that is their Test cricket team.

They found themselves at a nightclub where an incident allegedly took place with some rugby union player and all of a sudden, the wheels have come off. Bowler Gus Atkinson was also there, so hopefully this rugby player had some mates there because between Stokes and that windmill-looking cunt, he would be in for a real hiding.

It's the most recent in a string of unsavoury incidents that have befallen English cricketers while out on the tiles.

During the English team's ill-fated Ashes tour last summer, there was the infamous Noosa trip where they aforementioned wheels did come off. Opener Ben Duckett was absolutely chock full of piss at the 4 Pines Brewery, alone, and was filmed by a member of the public. The footage, despite it being taken when a man is utterly defenceless and obviously a bit emotional in the most unAustralian of circumstances, quickly went viral.

It exposed an odd culture within the English cricket team. How did he end up on his own? Where were his mates? Would you see an Australian cricketer, alone in Noosa at 2am high on pale ale? Absolutely not. Would you perhaps see a young bloke from Launceston getting his chin punched off for maybe saying the wrong thing upon meeting his first ever drag queen? Sure. But Glenn McGrath was also present and I reckon he would be a handful at 21-years-old, full to the gills with rum and coke. But being left to their own devices during a Test match series at home? Maybe a Gold in the sheds afterwards but heading out to Revolver after a Boxing Day Test match, I don't think so.

More to come.