Drive.com.au Journalist Bravely Rates New Car Below A 7

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A faceless staff writer at one of the nation's preeminent motoring journals is charting some unfamiliar waters this week as the reviewed a new car and gave it less than a 7 out of 10.

The unfortunate recipient of the mean-spirited remarks was a 2009 Proton Jumbuck, which is neither new nor a car.

Those two facts have not prevented the writers of Drive.com.au from reviewing cars in the past. Recently, a perfect score was given to the Subaru Brumby or the "Lesbo Maloo" as the website distastefully referred to it as. They failed to list why it was perfect, they just said it was with no evidence. Just vibe and vibe alone.

However, they were not as kind to the Proton "Malaysian Billycart."

"You would find more grunt under the bonnet of your Victa mower," chortled the staff writer.

"And it shares the same ANCAP safety rating as a postie bike. Standard protocol for a collision would be for the driver to bail out before it, chancing their life tumbling down the black top. Because the crumple zone isn't so much a zone, but your legs themselves. You can put up to 650kg in the back of it, or three typical Brisbane Broncos supporters. That's right, if you support the reigning premiers, you're probably too fat for air travel. You could put a stock cage on the back and drive your Bronco supporting mates to the game, like they are fucking livestock. Which they are!"

"Don't get us started on the brakes. Drums in each corner. Drums the size of a jam jar lid. Don't try to tow anything, all the brakes do when they're overloaded like that is transform kinetic energy and inertia into a blood-curdling howl. Loud enough to warn anyone within ear shot that a Jumbuck and its captain are about to be pancaked against whatever is in front of it. It's made of melted down shopping trolleys and spite. This vehicle is many things, most importantly, it's better than walking and carrying the groceries home from the shops,"

"That being said, we still think it's a great car 6.9/10."

More to come.