WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The outgoing Westpac CEO Brian Hartzer has today been praised for his undying commitment to the great Australian spirit of ‘having a go.’
Following the mantra revived by Prime Minister Scott Morrison during this year’s election speech, the CEO at the helm of a bank alleged to have broken the law 23 million times, has today received the $2.7 million Australian dollars worth of ‘go’s’ after a having a go.
The huge golden handshake for a bloke in charge of a company alleged to have facilitated child exploitation in the Philippines comes as a golden shower to those across the nation who have failed to have a go.
Hartzer was unavailable to comment after disappearing to either his $12 million dollar Vaucluse house or his ritzy Elvina Bay Weekender.
“This is the system we live in,” explained Treasurer Josh Frydenberg.
“If you work hard, you will be rewarded for your efforts, welcome to Capitalism.”
“Obviously, Brian’s drawn a little bit of negative PR and potentially cost the company some money so he can’t stay long term, but he should be rewarded for all that he’s done even though he clearly failed at his job.”
We spoke to one of the cleaners currently employed at Westpac, who said he’s happy to provide his bank details to whoever he needs to receive his go.
The single father of 4, who works the minimum wage cleaning job in the day before ducking off to work in a kitchen at night to provide for his family said he’s relieved to be finally informed that one day his go may come.
“So you working hard will make you lots of money, that’s great, I already do that but struggle to pay the bills every month,” said the man who asked to remain anonymous unless we could guarantee his go.
“But do I need to systematically fuck up my job and fail to perform my duties to get the go? Or what? This great economic system that rewards people willing to work hard but revolves around the murky and complicated world of the financial system that those without a tertiary education and years in the industry can’t understand confuses me.”
“Anyway, just let me know, I don’t want to be rich I just want to have a relatively comfortable life.”