Bloke Invited To Pickleball Night Just Waiting For The Bibles To Come Out

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

Anxious shivers are flowing down the spine of a local Betoota man tonight as he bravely steps towards his first ever pickleball experience.

Walking into the old Betoota PCYC sports complex, which has recently been rebranded into the ‘Betoota Pickle Club’, 29-year-old Toby Howard is preparing to pop his pickleball cherry, after being invited by a painfully affable work colleague, who he is pretty sure is actually a happy clapper Christian.

Working for a big four bank in downtown Betoota, it’s believed Toby has for months been feigning interest in the sport every time his department manager, Peter Patterson, talks about how much fun it is.

After being invited more than five times to join his workmate, Toby’s believed to have crumbled and decided to just go, mainly to bank some brownie points and position himself for a potential salary increase in the next review season.  

Secretly confiding his fears to The Advocate, Toby says he’s positive that tonight’s invitation is actually just a ruse to get him closer to God.

“Peter is a lovely guy, a little too lovely. But I’ve never heard a swear leave his mouth, he’s really into Star Wars, and Coldplay.”

“I think tonight might actually be his way of luring me into his Hillsong trap and getting me to consider my relationship with the Lord. And personally I just don’t trust anyone who's never played contact sports before.”

Looking around at the eight courts, all rumbling with the squeaks of sneakers and the occasional clap, Toby began to sweat as he spotted his colleague who ushered him over to join four players playing tennis with a spatula.

“Here we go, why are they all wearing jeans? And there’s like 10 friends watching… this looks more like a Youth Group to me.”

“One rally and I’m pretending I’ve rolled my ankle and leaving, I’ll tell them I can’t miss my regular Wednesday trivia night.”