Australian Economy Grows 36% In Quarter Due To Increase In Productivity From Men Aged 13-99

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

In some welcome good news for the country - there is some finally some positive economic numbers.

A bombshell new report has revealed that the Australian economy has grown nearly 36% this year.

The staggering new figure comes as part of a report released by the South Betoota Polytechnic School Of Economics, detailing a sharp and much needed uptick in economic output from the nation.

With plenty doom and gloom around inflation, unemployment and of course the dreaded cash rate - the new spurt of output comes as a result of blokes across the nation pulling their fingers out.

A significant lift in productivity from all sectors has been recorded with local economics professor Chris Piotrowksi claiming the numbers are actually the result of a government policy.

"Yeah, the Corn Hub ban deserves full credit for the huge boost," laughed Piotrowski.

"Right across all areas, and particularly in sectors were people work from home, we've seen a massive spike in blokes locking the fuck in and actually getting shit done."

Piotrowski said better sleep and attention are probably also having a significant impact.

"Those are more secondary effects and causations," he said.

"But there is definitely a link there I reckon."

"Going to be really interesting to see what happens to productivity if the taps ever open again."

More to come.