Albo Enjoys First Of Many Nights This Week Out With Toto In The Lodge Backyard

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has been asked this week by his chief of staff if he is indeed fucked in the head after he entertained a question on a podcast that is so far beneath his office, you wouldn't even find it in the Nationals wing.

When asked by popular podcaster Nikki Osbourne whether he would "shag, marry or date" singer Kylie Minogue, Anthony Albanese said he would do all three.

As the words left his mouth, his press secretary bowed their head and sighed deeply. His chief of staff, upon hearing the news, rocked back in their chair and sighed even deeper. And as he entered his office a short time later, he was called into the glass office to the side of his own and had some questions put to him.

"Mate, did someone steal your brain and replace it with a shopping bag full of runny dog poo?" asked his most senior staffer.

"Because it fucking seems like it. We need to manage this. We've got Timbertop Marles doing a presser shortly, he will play it off and point to your lady-heavy cabinet and so on. That should buy us some time but you gotta pull you head in. You are very lucky that One Nation supporters would actually support you for saying this. You're lucky Angus Taylor will somehow make this about Chris Minns wanting to gut-shoot brumbies for sport. Very lucky. I reckon it's time to go home and wait for this all to blow over."

Upon arriving home to The Lodge, he was informed by his AFP detail that he would actually be spending most of this evening living outside the actual house. He would be free to enjoy the gardens but going inside the house is now by negotiation.

The Prime Minister woke up this morning, covered in frost and coughing Clive Palmer after he's been chased round the block by a pack of angry dogs, in Toto's infrequently used dog house out in the garden.

The Government hopes the Prime Minister will be allowed back inside soon, as he's not young and sleeping out in the cold when you're old isn't good for you.

More to come.