Not One English Football Fan On Planet Earth Confident Enough To Start Singing It's Coming Home

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The most tortured and superstitious sporting fan base on planet Earth are keeping eerily quiet today, in the lead up to their sudden-death round of 16 match against Mexico - in Mexico.

There has been very little evidence of the famous English cockiness that would usually be dominating the sports media this far into the Euros or World Cup.

But England aren't feeling themselves right now.

The calm before the storm speaks to a complete lack of confidence from the English, who are naturally expecting the worst case scenario because that's just how things have been going for them lately.

As a nation that has burned through six Prime Ministers in less than a decade, and has just endured both a brutal winter followed by a sweltering heat wave, the only shining light in all of English culture is the mesmerising music of Olivia Dean.

But it isn't Olivia Dean that is about to perform at Azeteca Stadium. Instead, it's the English football team, who have just come off the back of a draw to Ghana.

Even worse, the kick-off has been delayed by an hour due to severe weather - meaning the pubs back home are now full of increasingly drunk and nervous fans who are now growing very worried about having to go to work tomorrow - as they twiddle their thumbs anxiously at 2 in the morning.

If they are to lose, they at least have 'The Altitude' to blame.

If they win, however. Then it was always coming home.