ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A study conducted by the Australian Housing Association (AHA) has found that many economists are shocked that young people with poor parents, disabled people and just generally poor people haven’t resorted to domestic terrorism yet as a way to get the government to take the housing crisis seriously.

The paper, released this morning, outlines that the government, banks and big businesses that largely control the flow and cost of housing are more interested in creating a hyper-inflated and speculative market that’s based entirely around creating wealth rather than providing basic security and shelter might be motivated to work toward the latter concept if young people started shooting people and blowing up public buildings.

“Quite frankly, the AHA is quite surprised that we haven’t had an instance of a senior bureaucrat or parliamentarian falling victim to a politically motivated crime,” said the paper.

“Or at the very least, a serial killer who targets property investors. With pretty much everyone who doesn’t have access to family money priced out of every capital city market in Australia, we feel it’s only a matter of time until someone snaps,”

“And when they do, there will be a lot of people who’ll cheer his/her/their name. People in this country love Ned Kelly and he shot a fuckload of cops,”

“There’s a lot of economists out there who are wondering why young people aren’t angrier about the housing market. Well, what do they want young people to do? Blow up the Reserve Bank? Shoot a few MPs? What difference would it make? None.”

The paper went on to answer its own hyperbolic questions with even more hyperbole.

“Nothing is going to change about housing. It will keep going up and up until it pops then everyone who purchased on the way up either hold onto the house forever and doesn’t actualise the loss or they just have ‘do not resuscitate’ tattooed down their sternum and take up rock fishing?”

“Or just move to the country.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here