ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Some baggage handlers employed by Qantas on some predatory enterprise agreement or something have been filmed treating luggage belonging to customers like rubbish this week.

It confirms the age old saying in computing, garbage in garbage out.

The airline has been quick to suspend the workers in the video, reassuring customers that their bags are somewhat safe and if you complain about things in your luggage getting broken, then you’re probably just a sanctimonious, barge-arsed yuppie cuntbag that really belongs with the other sanctimonious, barge-arsed yuppie cuntbags on Virgin.

Qantas CEO Alan Joyce told reporters in Sydney that while those two baggage handlers were handling Qantas luggage, they weren’t actually technically employed by the airline but by a third-party who contracts workers out to Qantas at a much cheaper rate than the airline used to have to pay their baggage handlers.

“I think we can all rest assured knowing that these two people don’t work for Qantas,” said Mr Joyce.

“You see, this is the risk you take when you’re forced to hire through a third-party. In a perfect world, Qantas would have their own baggage handlers but we simply can’t get enough workers through the door,”

“It’s a tough business to be in now, the airline game.”

When asked by a reporter about perhaps giving the old Qantas baggage handlers their jobs back with the same conditions, Mr Joyce said he’d love to.

“Look, I’d love a lime green Porsche GT3 for Christmas but in the real world, you can’t get one until at least March,” said Mr Joyce.

“That and I’m more on an Audi man.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here