MAY BUDGET: $300 Such A Weirdly Specific Amount Of Money For The Government To Be Giving Us

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

JUST COMING OFF THE M1. BE THERE SOON: In case you haven't been able to tell from their constant leaking to the media, the Albanese Government is set to announce a multibillion-dollar cash splash in next week's Federal Budget.

Aside from all the scary tweaks that might slightly affect the future value of boomer assets - Labor remains confident that this budget will be received well by the working Australians who weren't lucky enough to be born before the Whitlam Dismissal and therefore have very little economic opportunities.

And what better way to win them over than by flicking them a bit of walking around money.

Treasurer Jim Chalmers is poised to announce an “earned income offset” of $300 for every person in Australia who gets a wage or salary and pays tax.

This little treat is part of the Treasurer's wider narrative that this budget supposedly favours increasing taxes on assets versus wages and salaries.

While this noble nod to the working Australian is effectively lost on a population that is in bipartisan disgust over the Labor government pussying out on taxing the major gas exporters... Nobody is gonna say no to 300 bucks.

However, this specific amount has raised eyebrows in the finance sector, with many questioning whether this offset will end up flowing into the Australian economy.

"It's not going to end up in the hands of a local cobbler, I can tell you that much for free" says ABC economist Alan Kohler.

"It'll be more luckily washed through the pokies and then poured into a new set of veneers in Bali"

"Because the vast majority of this offset is going to be pulled out of an ATM and given to a bloke outside the pub after eight schooners on a Friday night"

When asked to be more specific, Alan Kohler told The Betoota Advocate to stop playing dumb.

"What the hell do you reckon?"

"Even an old wowser like me knows that the $300 price point is a dog whistle to Middle Class Australia's insatiable lust for Bondi Marching Powder"

In scenes similar to the excitement shown by plasma TV retailers after Kevin Rudd's 2008 stimulus package dropped, the WRX owners of outer-suburban Australia are reportedly ready to pounce.

MORE TO COME.