KENT REGINALD | Scandals | CONTACT
Former Australian Vice-Captain and current holder of the ‘Trevor Chappell Award For Most Disappointing Australian’, David Warner, has issued a heartfelt apology to fans across the world after his actions betrayed the very spirit of LG TVs he once held so dear.
Warner, who was today banned from cricket for 12 months for his role in the ball-tampering scandal currently engulfing the team, says that his actions do not reflect the values and ideals he was taught by the LG marketing department, after he became an official spokesperson for the company in 2016.
“I sit here today a man deeply ashamed to have let down the entire LG family”, said a teary-eyed Warner, in a press conference held from the comfort of the black couch at his beach house.
“I’m generally away for the winter, so I have the summer to hang out watching cardoons with the kids. Unfortunately, I made a terrible error this summer and foolishly decided to spend it cheating with Steve and Cameron”.
“I have not only let my kids and the cardoons down – I’ve let the down all of the TVs made by LG, which as we all know have fantastic quality and a very sharp image”.
“My heart feels as black as the blacks in the OLED TVs, and it’s really showing and distinguishing all of my true colours I’ve shown the entire nation with my actions”.
“LG TVs are one of the most important symbols of a sporting nation like ours, and doing what I did has brought shame to a true icon of Australian Cricket”
“The cruel irony of this whole sorry situation is that one of my things I usually look forward to is sitting on my couch watching my LG OLED TV. I obviously can’t do that any more, because I’ve betrayed the spirit of what makes LG OLED TVs the worlds second largest South Korean-based TV company”
“I sincerely hope that the LG family finds it in their hearts to forgive me, and to send me the 2018 model of the 55inch 4k LG OLED TV, which I hear is excellent for watching close-up replays of clumsy attempts to hide evidence”
While Warner’s message has resonated with his tens of remaining fans, LG themselves appear to be unmoved, issuing a response mere hours after Warner’s press conference.
“Unfortunately, in such circumstances, LG has no choice but to part ways with Mr. Warner. LG has always been a company which has been strict in its ‘no ball tampering’ policy”.
“Mr. Warner, in his role in this incident, showed a clear lack of clarity in his thinking. Unlike the clarity of our brand new 2018 55inch 4k OLED TV, which is great”
Despite this, Warner remains convinced that he can eventually return to LG’s good graces, and in the meantime, will return to more grassroots TV companies in order to reconnect with his love of the OLED.
“Does anyone know if 3M make TVs?”