CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The longest-ever reign of monarch, that of Queen Elizabeth II is over.
Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor died Thursday at Balmoral Castle, her estate in Scotland. She was 96.
The palace issued a statement about 6.30 p.m. local time – triggering an outpouring of mournful tributes from billions.
Her eldest son and heir, Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, immediately became King Charles III upon her death. His wife became Queen Consort Camilla.
With this new title, King Charles will now have to endure the closest thing he’s ever had to a job in his 73 years.
His duties include, visiting the same countries he’s always visited, just a bit more regularly.
As well as meeting every national sporting team representing those weird countries, like ours, who insist on remaining tied to the Commonwealth.
However, the biggest job that King Charles has on the horizon, is the gruelling task of maintaining the protection racket that currently keeps the Royal family’s darkest secrets.
While no one really cares about Meghan Markle anymore, and his own indiscretions were aired very publicly by Princess Diana in the mid-1990s – the last remaining family scandal that needs to be hush hushed is the fact that his younger brother Prince Andrew used to frequently visit Jeffrey Epsteins pedophile island in the Carribean, and his pedophile mansion in New York.
Although, with the passing of his mother at the top of his mind, King Charles is yet to really process how big of a job that’s gonna be.
One member of the Royal family that is thinking a lot about Prince Andrew’s future in a world without his mother to protect him, is Prince Andrew himself.
“Ummm… Charlie” says the embattled Prince Andrew, in the midst of funeral preparations today.
“May I just have a… a quick word?”
Prince Charles sighs.
“No Andrew.” he says.
“You have to cancel your annual summer holiday in South-East Asia… This funeral cannot wait for you, or your friends from the BBC”
Andrew assures the new King that his holiday is indeed cancelled… But he is worried about the possibility of having to take another kind of holiday in the near future. One that last 10-15 years.
“No.. It’s just that” says a bumbling Andrew.
“Mummy said you would protect me like she has”
“You- You promise you’ll look after to me too, won’t you Charlie?”
The new King stares down his nose at his brother.
“I’m organising flower arrangements. Let’s just focus on that.”
“And take a shower”
“You are so sweater”