TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
In an exclusive interview with The Advocate, the supreme being, creator deity and principal object of faith, God, says he’s at a complete loss about what else he can do to let the human race know that it’s fucking up the planet.
“Have you seen what I’ve caused in 2019 alone?” says God in a voice that’s exactly like Morgan Freeman’s.
“Landslides in Burundi, floods in South Asia, Southern Africa is still in drought, in fact they should nearly be out of water”
“Oh, droughts in Australia and now the bushfires”
“Fucking hell, I don’t know how many more signs I can send”
“It’s not like I enjoy making these disasters happen, I am killing people that I created, it’s tragic”
“But what else am I supposed to do?”
“And I don’t mean to point fingers at Australia, but you guys are particularly shit at interpreting signs”
“Especially that marketing guy you’ve got running the country, which is weird because he’s always in my ear asking for guidance.”
God had to cut short the interview to prepare for an unprecedented heat-wave he was about to send to Australia, but before leaving he requested that people stop sending so many thoughts and prayers because his administration team was getting overloaded and they need to focus more on his son’s birthday, not the avoidable loss the thoughts and prayers are attached to.