"Well Then... Cup Of Tea?" Says Englishman On The Brink Of Nervous Breakdown

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A Betoota-based Pom is now focused on regulating his cortisol levels, as his heart rate continues to soar well above his usual resting beats per minute.

With patriotism pumping through his blood stream, and an undying hankering to get absolutely legless on cheap English lager, local recruitment officer Barry Gane (49) is experiencing feelings that aren't common for people like him.

This comes after the English football team held up under extreme pressure at an Azteca stadium bursting at the seams, holding their nerve against a fired up Mexican team.

Going down to 10 men after 60 minutes and no sleep thanks to some welcoming Mexican fans outside the team hotel, the Poms managed to steer the course and defend their lead all the way through an extremely length stoppage time.

The impressive defensive resolve will see them take on the Haaland and his band of merry Vikings in the Quarter Finals, with England hoping Sir Keir or Andy can make a call to FIFA and get a couple of suspensions over turned.

This kind of exhilarating sporting triumph is unfamiliar for Barry's nervous system, and he short of behaving like a drunken football hooligan, he is unsure of how to carry himself.

"Well then..." he says.

With a full day of work ahead of him, and many more nail-biting world cup moments to come - he has no option but to pour himself a scalding cup of English tea.

"Can I offer a cup of tea to anyone else?" he asks politely.

"I'm a little overwhelmed if I'm honest"

"It feels like..."

"I mean I would hate to jinx us..."

"But it could be coming ho-"

"Oh never mind. English breakfast, anyone?"