Victorian Premier Rocks A North Face Jacket As He Orders Every Bird In Melbourne To Be Caged For 300 Days

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As the bitter winter climate continues to depress, Victorians could not be more primed to once again take orders from their overzealous Labor government.

In Melbourne, it feels exactly like early 2020 again. As the confusion and rapidly changing information surrounding a potential viral outbreak has local residents in a state of panic - and absolutely desperate for their government to tell them what to do.

And their new Premier is more than happy to oblige - with firm and potentially over-the-top public health measures.

This comes as avian experts voice their fears that mass bird deaths in south-west Victoria may be linked to the deadly H5N1 virus, and authorities are struggling to keep up with the carnage.

Locals in regional south-west Victoria have reported hundreds of birds found dead or on death's door since Sunday - as poultry operators and wildlife advocates begin to lock down their facilities.

Luckily, Victorians always rise to the occasion during disasters.

The Department of Energy, Environment and Climate Action hadn't even found the time to offer a press release around this concerning finding before the the state Premier began holding press conferences.

Likewise, Ben Carrol hasn't even been Premier for a full month before he took charge and put on a North Face jacket - like the great state leaders who came before him.

Today, a State of Emergency has been declared in Victoria to combat the perilous Bird Flu and to help to provide the Chief Bird Health Officer with the powers he needs to enforce 14-day isolation requirements for all birds entering Australia and cancel mass gatherings of more than 100 birds.

Premier Ben Carrol was joined by the Minister for Birds - as he announced measures designed to ‘flatten the curve’ of bird flu and give our agricultural system the best chance of managing the virus.

The first direction from the Chief Health Officer under these new powers will include locking all birds up in cages for 300 days, with zero ecceptions whatsoever - even if they appear to be very lonely or indeed going insane from the unnatural protocols forced upon them by the state government.

While most Victorians are voluntarily complying with these new orders, anyone who doesn't faces fines of up to $20,000 or hard jail time if they don't do exactly what the premier says because they are uneducated bogans who can't follow simple instructions given to them by our all-knowing state leader.