AFL House Furious To Learn They Can't Cover This Shit Up Anymore

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

The people who run the Australia Football League (AFL) are this week coming to terms with a changing landscape.

Powerbrokers at AFL House have been left furious after learning that you can't just blatantly cover shit up anymore.

This comes as the organisation famous for purchasing extremely large rugs to sweep scandals under, is forced to confront the behaviour of some of its players.

The much publicised scandal involves a number of Sydney Swans players and allegations of sexual assault.

There are also allegations of drug use, which is hardly surprising for a bunch of highly paid young men from Sydney.

Victorian sex crime detectives are set fly to Sydney to continue conducting investigations regarding the sexual assault.

Police have not made any arrests or laid charges over the alleged sexual assault.

The Sydney Swans have however moved to suspend Riley Bice, Nick Blakey, Isaac Heeney, James Jordon and Chad Warner for the remainder of the 2026 AFL season.

That follows the Swans requesting that AFL house suspend the players for at-least the next couple of matches.

AFL House has seemingly been rather quiet, reportedly grappling with the fact that they can't set their army of fixers to work to sweep the scandal under the carpet and continue on business as usual.

Public sentiment, coupled with the modern technology and fast moving social media has seen the scandal explode nationally, with AFL powerbrokers unable to move quickly enough behind the scenes to ensure NDA's are bought, hotel security footage is wiped, cabbies are offered premium tickets, and spoon fed journos are brought onto the same page.

"Regardless of police findings, this is something we would have preferred to have been dealt with behind closed doors," mused one AFL house insider speaking on the condition of strict anonymity.

"Yeah, people might have to face consequences for alleged behaviour if this continues."

"It's a real worry for us."