Unemployed Mate Flat Out Watching The Emmys

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A man without a job has had a busy day so far, watching the Emmys on his couch as the world drifts by outside.

From the front room of his 27-year-old project home in Betoota Heights, Peter Mastiking was pleasantly surprised that the Emmys came on after the 9am rerun of The Ellen Show because it broke up what is usually a pretty humourless and bleak morning routine for him at the moment.

Speaking to The Advocate, the 35-year-old contract software developer said it's a good morning if he's bathed and clothed by the time Ellen comes on. This morning wasn't one of them.

"I'd just pumped the last of my pikelets when that horrific music filled the room to signify that Ellen was starting. It's very hard on the soul when you hear that. Especially now that I'm between projects," he said.

"It was the episode with Will.i.am or whatever his fucking name is. I've seen it a hundred times. But there I was, baking in the heat, shirtless on an Amart faux-suede lounge, pikelet crumbs down my front, Ellen on the big screen. I thought, fuck I'm a piece of shit. I need to get it together, join the Army Reserve or something. Spend my weekends getting shouted at by lieutenants called William and Charles. Feeling good about myself as I jiggle uncontrollably as they force me to do jumping jacks in the heat of the November sun in Wagga."

"Then I snapped out of it. I woke up as Ellen was finishing and I was about to get up because that's when Murder, She Wrote begins and if you're still flopped on the couch at 11am, then you might as well pack it in. But it was the Emmys."

Peter said he was filled with relief at that moment.

"I thought, fuck me, these are only on once a year. So I treated myself to a viewing. And you know what, it wasn't half bad."

More to come.